Some think that only women work in community care. This is far from the truth. In carriage 4 there are also male employees. This was announced during my intake interview. I was asked if I had anything against that and in all honesty, I had to admit that I would indeed have a hard time with this.
For some people this is because of principles. Years ago, men and women had a very different type of respect for each other. For example, a married couple did not share a shower with each other, men were not allowed to be present at the birth of their child and I can imagine that it was not customary for both men and women to walk around the same sauna naked. So… being helped by a man is just not natural to some.
What happened in your past affects your future and how your life goes on. Whether that has something to do with your culture or upbringing, or something you have experienced, nice or not, this often determines the direction of your future.
For me, not wanting to be helped by a man is not based on principle. It’s based events from my past.
We continue to build experiences, we learn from them and sometimes it changes your feelings, principles or even your direction of life. Therapy for example; I’ve had this before and it helped a lot with certain things I once ran into. I built up more self-confidence and took on new challenges.
The pandemic of the past two years has also played a major role. Due to illness – first my own runny nose diseases – I had to be tested several times. Due to circumstances with a much longer explanation than this blog can handle, this was done a few times by a community care employee. A man.
A man whom I first saw in the planning for care a few months later. All right, I thought. They all know about my preferences and the reason why. If there is a brother in the planning, they must really have too few staff and there is probably no other option. In addition, washing people is part of his work. I assume that he knows what he is doing and… my housemate/informal carer is working from home. Nothing can go wrong.
At the next care moment I wanted to share my thoughts written above to a regular nurse, but when I mentioned that there was a man in the schedule, she said that was not the intention and she would have it adjusted as soon as possible.
Too bad… I thought. I had just given myself a lot of positive energy and was ready for the new challenge. Now it’s not going to happen.
A few days later my EVV’er came to provide the care and I shared my thoughts and feelings with her. Because my preference is not based on principles and also because I had already received the necessary help to accommodate the experience from my past, I wanted to give the team the opportunity to schedule brothers if necessary. For them this makes planning routes a little easier and for me it would mean that I wouldn’t have to experience a big change in care times because otherwise I would have to be ‘squished’ into another route. The EVV’er was pleased to hear this, but we did come up with a plan of action together so that this challenge would not be too difficult for me.
If a brother I didn’t know was on the schedule, they would just come and provide meds. A sister would come later in the morning to help with washing or showering and dressing. I could then indicate to my EVV’er how it went and whether I thought that I would not feel any awkwardness when showering or washing.
This strategy worked perfectly. This gave me the opportunity to develop a professional relationship before being helped by a brother to wash or shower.
The brother I once saw on the schedule for the first time has an interest in technology. Especially mobile phones and soon the age-old debate about which one is better started. Android or Apple with iOS.
One day after taking a shower, I showed him why I choose Apple products. These are more accessible for people with both a hearing and visual impairment. After a short demonstration of how I use my phone as a deafblind person, I believe he has secretly become an Apple fan.
He is now not the only brother who has helped me shower. There is also a second brother who is sometimes in the planning. With this one it took a little more time before I gave permission to let him help me shower. He once came several times in the evening to administer eye drops. He is a slightly older gentleman and when he came in the evening he didn’t say much. Especially not to me. My housemate/caregiver was able to have a very short conversation with him, but I couldn’t. Until one night when I was playing videogames alone downstairs while I waited for him. When he came in and saw that I was gaming, we both started to talk about it at our leisure. Then I asked him to put something about my current health status in the report. He sat down and eventually we had a good conversation in which he got to know more about me and my illness. That’s where that professional bond came in.
In a previous blog I wrote something about the importance of contact and communication. When I can talk to someone at ease, the care moments run much more smoothly for both me and the carer.
Being helped by a brother is not really a challenge at all. They can do their job just as well as the sisters can and they bring other conversation topics with them. I’ve only been able to talk about computer games with one sister so far and that doesn’t really go beyond The Sims. When it comes to the nerdy stuff like cell phones…. Now come on ladies. Can someone PLEASE show me that I’m not the only woman who is interested in that? 😀 I would love to read your comments below. Until the next ride!
DonnieTown 